Questions for the Day

Why didn't I do an internship with a newspaper or a government organisations or an NGO like my other classmates who are also doing humanities and social sciences? I'm not sure. The idea of it all didn't appeal to me? But that's not true, the idea of working with the government does appeal to me but the idea of going to another place and living there for a month -wait, that appeals to me too. Wait why the hell didn't I do it then? Oh right, cause I was scared, as usual.

 I wanted to stay at home and work somewhere close by but also do important things and change lives and change my life by being young writer getting published and all that other crap. Except now I'm sitting here in the lounge of a Kochi based magazine questioning my life choices. It could work out, if they took me to meet celebrities and made me observe things that a lifestyle magazine does and all that. But chances of my dreams working out is very less. Which is sad cause I'm not really the sort of person who dreams a lot. I don't dream of going to Paris and backpacking around the Himalayas. Because I know these are things that my friend and family circle will not combine together to actualize for me. So I dream about a nice office, a nice job, a nice bed, good weather. And even then my expectations are so low it's next to impossible to disappoint me. Which you might think is a good plan for a happier me. But sometimes, when kids my age talk about their dreams, hopes, aspirations for life, I can't help but sigh a little bit because not even in my wildest dreams do I dream these things. And if I don't even dream, is there any chance of these things happening to me? Now that's the million dollar question.

Someone recently pointed out to me how I have successfully managed to breeze through life without pouring myself into anything. Which is absolutely true. I've never poured myself into school work, or academics, or even relationships. My life so far has been at a very superficial level, with a one arm distance (or more) from everything in order to not get hurt. And it has worked out pretty fine for me, to be honest. Except, will I truly have my "eureka" moment if I never do immerse myself and give something everything I got? Will breezing through life this way suffice? These are the questions that bother me today. Until next time