thinking about you #1

let me let you in on a little secret
                       in all of my 20 years of existence
i’ve never been in love

        never known it
        never know what it’s like

to know if i’ve known it.
                 i think that’s my biggest worry of them all
that

i could be looking at you

    your face just inches away 
           we’re fighting for the same air
      waist pressed against waist and
               pressed against wall (in the most cliched movie manner)
struggling with all the hair 

and you.
            i could possibly be in love 
with you

the thought doesn’t occur to me

till now.  

then 
all i was thinking of 
was of how nice it is

     for lips to meet 
     for tongues to dart
                          to and from repeatedly 
                         and to most importantly bite.

i didn’t think it was love
    as i lit my cigarette from yours
                                      lying on your lap 
                blowing smoke straight into your face 
you laughing
       asking
if we could be together or something along those lines.

i didn’t think it was love 
      while i was laughing in your face
                        coughing

only now
         wondering 
what it is about love
                          that i don’t seem to understand.

only now 
        when
i’m sitting in my bedroom alone
                                        typing 
on a saturday night when people
around me are dressing up 
for nights of madness.

my friends tell me that
                              it’s an unappealing lifestyle
   his and what i was aiming for and saw around me 

i nod and retreat 
               back into my room
                       blow more smoke into 
     the already suffocating self. 

but it was the first time in forever
                 that you found someone who
         replied to poems with poems
                                                      spoke lyrically 
            whose lips went for yours 
        with such passion and precision 
 that you couldn’t help when
                                        all your lines went out of order.

love i think is momentary 
                   but it was love
               when it was 
                       ?